friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
