Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
