Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
