I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the raccoons are back...
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