You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize