just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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