We got so high we made milksteak
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
