We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
