found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
