i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
