just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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