I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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