i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
