He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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