being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
