the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
