I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
