I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
