i think i have two assholes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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