help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
