Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
