You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
