I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
