thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
