dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dicks are not precious.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
