I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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