i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
