If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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