I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
