I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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