Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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