Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
