the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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