i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
