I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
