worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
