I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
