So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
