I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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