hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
