you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
