Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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