is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
