69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
