Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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