I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
