Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
