so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
