Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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