i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
