all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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