You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
