If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
4 words: hood of his car
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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