Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
