so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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