batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
