Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sext me about skeletons
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
