how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
