I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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