If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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