I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
