I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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