She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
