You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
