Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
