he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
God, I missed his penis.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
