Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the day after is always just damage control
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
