I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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