sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
