it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize