Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
